HOMO! HOMO! HOMO!

Last week my teenage son had some questions for me, in particular about being gay. Like most conversations involving the inquiring mind of a teenager, I’m not exactly sure how it started or why. Nonetheless, the primary basis of his inquiry was to whether people choose to be gay. I didn't want to get too complicated and lose his attention but at the same time, I thought this brought about several issues we should discuss. So please, excuse the simplicity of this article, as it's not meant to be an in-depth, heavily referenced and cited piece.  I also thought this worth sharing. Thus, our conversation ensued:

For ease, let’s address this in four simple parts.

Part 1: Do you choose to be gay?

"Do me a favor," I said, "answer me one question: What’s your favorite color?"

"Orange", he replied, without hesitation.

"Why?", I asked.

He pondered this for a minute…."Hmmmm, I don’t know," he said, "it just is."

"So, you didn’t just wake up one day and decide, from this day forward, orange is my favorite color?"

"No."

"This is a pretty simple example," I said, "so let’s do another. You have dozens of girls in your school to “choose” from for a girlfriend, right? Yet, one stood out above all the rest. Did you choose to be attracted to her?"

"No, I just am. I like her the most."

"But, you have so many other girls to choose from, why don’t you just pick another?"

"I don’t like them like that."

"Why not? Can’t you just choose a different one?"

I could see the wheel’s turning and with thought he asked; "well, then why do some people say that a gay person chooses to be gay?"

Part 2: Why do some people think being gay is a choice?

First, most religions throughout the world, condemn homosexuality. The United States is most heavily influenced by Christianity and so for us, our main religious focus. Biblically speaking, Christians generally believe that homosexuality is a sin and this is supported by several passages in the Bible. Various interpretations label laying with another man, as with woman, or a woman with a woman, as a detestable act, an abomination, immoral and shameful. Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed by God himself over their sins, largely including homosexuality. To add fuel to fire, many also believe, that all sin is a choice; you choose to lie, covet, steal, worship idols, deny God, murder and host of other sins. Since, homosexuality is condemned as a sin, it must follow that to be gay is a choice. And if being gay is a choice, then a person can just as easily choose not to be gay.

Second, Christian or not, many supporters of homosexuality being a choice are quick to point out that scientist, despite years of looking, have never discovered a “gay gene” in our DNA,. If there is no “gay gene” inherent to our DNA make-up, like, say, our eye, hair or skin color, then, it is reasoned, being a homosexual must be a choice. In short, no “gay gene” is interpreted to mean no one is born homosexual.

"Ok, so then, what do you think?", he asked.

Part 3: What I think….

What do I think? I’m not really sure, I don’t really care (more on that soon). If you do your research, you will find homosexual advocates of choice. They not only will agree that being gay is a choice but will tell you from their own personal testimony that they themselves chose to be gay. I’m sure that very well is true, for some people. I would assume even more so in the case of those who identify as bisexual. But I don’t know, that also assumes they had an equal attraction to both a man and a woman and chose the same sex…,I’m now sure how true that can be. Is it any different from liking two women for me, but choosing to pursue one?

From what research I’ve seen, most (homosexuals) would argue that it is not a choice, it is who they are; part of them they can not change regardless of desire. I tend to lean toward it not being a choice, no different than many of the aspects of our life, and who we are. Sure, we may not have found a “gay gene”; then again, we haven’t found a straight gene either. We haven’t found genes for a number of things; my love for pizza or disdain for spinach, diseases such as diabetes, cancer, schizophrenia or depression, preferences and/or ability for sports, actors, musicians or, why some people prefer science why others prefer the arts.

Part 4: What Really Matters (Why I don’t really care why or how you’re gay):

Rick Warren said: “Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”

God’s greatest commandment was to love Him, his second to love one another as you love yourself. He didn’t say love everyone but those horrid sinning gay folks. It’s a pretty simple commandment. It should apply whether you’re religious or not. If you are religious then you also understand that we are all sinners, we are all doomed for hell and we are all worthy of His forgiveness. John 3:16 says; “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” I’m sorry, I don’t see an “except homosexuals” clause…now we could go on and on but I’ll spare you the Bible Verse sparring session...Loving one another should be enough.

I wanted my children to understand one thing, above all others: there is no place for hate. Homophobia is absolutely senseless. What could possibly be wrong about two people loving one another? Being gay is not a value to judge someone’s worthiness of your friendship or love. Honesty, integrity, commitment, motivation, passion and courage; these are some of the many character traits of a good person. I know a lot of straight people who lack them, all. I hope they never lose the chance of a great friend because they judged them for being gay before really taking the time to discover who they really are.

Whether you are heterosexual or homosexual, religious or secular, we are all worthy of being loved and there is just simply no place for homophobia and hate. You don’t have to agree on whether being gay is right or wrong or, whether being gay is a choice or ingrained at birth. I’m not asking you to change your mind, I’m just asking you to love, unconditionally.